The mother-daughter relationship is one of the deepest relationships, with the greatest bond and high emotional charge in the life of a human being. It entails a lot of complexity because daughters when they walk through childhood tend to follow in their mother’s footsteps, becoming her reference and role model. But, as adolescence begins, daughters tend to distance themselves from their mother’s behavior, seeking their own autonomy and developing their own personality, as they examine their mothers from a broader perspective and flee from less adaptive traits. to your way of thinking.
From then on, the mother finds it difficult to understand why she is no longer the protagonist and feels excluded from her daughter’s development, a situation that is difficult for her to accept, and which she demonstrates every time she has the opportunity. Therefore, a “love and hate” relationship begins between mother and daughter, which generates affection and arguments in equal measure. Let’s look at some more causes that cause this situation:
– Incomplete communication. Daughters know their mothers because they have been the model that they have always tried to imitate, and therefore, they know what characteristics they have and what preferences they have towards specific aspects. Therefore, if they direct their path towards something different, they prefer not to share it with their mothers, so as not to generate conflicts, since if they move it, they are aware that it may appear. Hence, communication problems arise.
– Sometimes, mothers want to project their “ideal self” onto their daughters, that is, for their daughters to achieve their unfulfilled desires or frustrated goals. This usually leads to a constant struggle for this achievement and a lack of understanding in the event that the daughter chooses another path. For her part, the daughter sees an intrusion on her own individuality and an intrusion on her own freedom.
– Another situation that commonly appears is the disappointment of the daughter, although this section also occurs with the sons. When they are younger, boys and girls see their parents as true heroes, with great power, but as they grow these beliefs diminish and they begin to give more value to themselves.
– Appearance of excessive protection. Some mothers establish an over-protective relationship with their daughters, preventing them from developing freely, a situation that in the long run usually generates conflict. This does not mean that the mother and daughter relationship is conflictive by default, it simply means that they are complex, and that they are in the right place between love and hate.
Next, we are going to see recommendations so that this special relationship flows normally:
– In the relationship there must be fluid communication, respect and acceptance, based on empathy and in which both parties feel understood and supported. It is important to establish a horizontal dialogue, as long as respect is maintained
– That the mother understands that despite being her daughter, she is not her property and she has decision-making capacity.
– Let them mutually enjoy the achievements that each of them makes, where reinforcement and joy appear.
In short, as we have seen, the mother and daughter relationship is special, but like all the relationships in our lives, we must know how to manage and cultivate it, and not think that just because we are mother and daughter, the relationship will be positive and productive. by default, but it must be cared for and developed effectively.
Rosa Puerto
