
She tried everything from meditation to painting, doing something special or going somewhere, but the pain remained and steadily grew to the point that this emptiness seemed to eat her from the inside.
Anxiety, fear, insomnia, nightmares, obsessive memories, feeling less creative most of the time and very alone on a very deep level, so much so that her everyday reality became such, no calls, no friends asking her to go somewhere or share new experiences, chaos at work, silence at home and two empty hands wishing away
Ana, she seemed to have lost all her colors!
Where did they go? Are they in another remote country? …………..They used to live in your heart! One day she opened her love to an ungrateful creature who wanted to suck life without giving any light. Ana knew this from her own experience, but her love for this being was stronger than her newly acquired wisdom and therefore a great shock resulted from their encounter leaving her desolate, sad and not sure who to trust.
Her journey had brought her this far and now it was time to move on and leave the past behind forever. Tears are slowly erasing the past, though her body feels hurt, bruised, and empty. You would love to start a new life, fresh and renewed.
On a sunny spring afternoon his heart began to beat rapidly again in the warm happy smile of a stranger. She thought she recognized him as her long-awaited soulmate. There was immediate recognition, happiness, laughter and sharing of dreams. They had known each other on a very deep level and an unspoken ocean of words and promises were remembered. But, once again fate played its cards by sending an uncomfortable, difficult situation that stopped the lovers from giving themselves or sharing dreams.
Grief, an old friend and ghost from the past seemed to haunt Ana again. Confusion, lack of clarity and unresolved conflicts from the past clung to her, like a second skin.
So, again he cries deeply in his heart for the story that could have been told. In her loneliness, images, words and eyes seem to disappear every second, and she keeps asking the gods, How long am I supposed to wait?… for a partner to appear. I’m tired, alone and sad. His steps leaving traces of mourning wherever he goes, with his eyes they declare a longing for real love.
Every morning and every night, always asking the same questions, Where am I going? , What do I do with my life? What have I come to do in this life? When will I be able to share my love? ……..But there seemed to be no answers!
Ana is now in her loneliness, she has become “it.”
It could be the secret to becoming one with this loneliness that eats her from the inside.
Could this be the true path to freedom?
One day, when she already felt exhausted by pain, physical illness and no reason to relate to others, just when everything seemed completely lost; out of nowhere, a voice and a vision during a healing opened her heart.
A white rose had been placed in her heart, blooming and illuminating all her energy centers with light. At the same time, each center turned into a white dove. Each one began to sing and their songs became rainbow light, spilling a network of brilliant sound throughout their body.
Ana found herself in a state of happiness for several days. And he began to value his wounds as a gift of existence, not a curse.
He began to live life with joy, knowing that nothing and no one could serve him happiness on a plate. That only she, being upright, honest with her decisions, actions and thoughts, would change her life. From here he could re-write his life, because at the end of the day we all write our lives and we have the option if we choose to re-write them.
Ana’s story is no different from your story, from the story of other women. The names and some details change although the wound and the search are the same.
For many women, the internal reality after many unresolved relationships boils down to feeling empty and broken. They go from one relationship to another looking for something that only they can really solve.
On their path to finding a partner, they have held out half-truths, compromised their principles, accepted abuse, and taken the external truth as their own.
The truth is that what you resist persists and the more we delegate an internal aspect to the shadows, the longer it will take us to feel whole.
We all long to feel whole.
First we have to understand what makes us fall into the same type of relationship.
And more importantly, there are some patterns that we internally follow, for example
· Since your first relationships were established with your parents, you tend to recreate their personalities as closely as possible in your other relationships.
· In your other relationships, you tend to recreate the same type of relationships you had with your parents.
· You tend to copy the relationships your parents had with each other.
· Since almost all of us are accustomed to a strong dose of disapproval from parents, we tend to make them angry, with which our parents disapprove of our behavior.
· You tend to take revenge on your parents through your partner or someone else. If your partner doesn’t allow it, maybe you use your children to do it.
In their subconscious, almost everyone wants to remain a helpless child all their lives. A clash occurs when both want to be children and both want their partner to act as a parent.
· Since almost everyone is used to the fight they had with their parents, having completely stable, easy and comfortable relationships often feels too unfamiliar and threatening to tolerate.
· Repressed incest is always a hindrance to sexual affection. The point at which you were unable to recognize sexual feelings towards your parents (or theirs towards you) is the point at which your sexuality was inhibited.
· Due to the hatred one feels for oneself and the feeling of guilt, there is a tendency to “punish” oneself through one of these things: one’s body, one’s sexual life, one’s professional activity, one’s partner, one’s personal finances, one’s car.
In other words, there is a tendency to break up one or all of these relationships to punish oneself for something.
The feeling of guilt and self-directed hatred can lead you to think that by incarnating in a body you separated yourself from God, to think that you are bad because at birth you caused pain to your mother. This is something very profound.
It can be due, of course, to any other act of yours that, in your view, was a “bad action.” Children often blame themselves, for example, for the divorce or death of their parents.
Another way to punish yourself for these things is to not allow yourself to have what you want. In not receiving what is well deserved. One of the most common ways is to ruin your body in some way through obesity, pain or illness.
All this leads to a specific thought: I hate myself, I am a bad person. And then you go and attract someone to show it to you.
You attract a person who fits your guidelines. That is to say, if your pattern is “men leave me,” you tend to attract a man whose pattern prompts him to leave.
In other words the key word here is your self-esteem, which needs to heal.
What can we do?
There are 5 important steps
1. STEP – Acceptance: THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO REJECT THEMSELVES, IT HAS TO DO WITH THEIR REJECTION IN CHILDHOOD OR IN THEIR MOTHER’S WOMB.
2. STEP – to recovery: OF ALL THE DAMAGES WE SUFFER TO OUR SELF-ESTEEM, FEELING AND RECOGNIZING THE FEELINGS OF THOSE MOMENTS, THIS HEALS THE WOUNDS OF THE PAST.
3. STEP – SELF-IMAGE OF YOURSELF: RECAP, RECOGNIZE YOUR NEGATIVE THOUGHTS, AFFIRMATIONS, TAKE ACTION, IF NOT EVEN IF YOU MAKE AFFIRMATIONS THERE WILL BE NO CHANGES IN YOUR LIFE
4. STEP – GOD IN ME: GOING BEYOND YOUR THOUGHTS OF YOURSELF IS THE RECOGNIZATION OF YOUR DIVINE ESSENCE.
5. STEP TO RECOGNIZE GOD IN EACH ONE: SEE THE BEING IN EACH PERSON, DISCERNING THEIR APTITUDES, COMPASSION WITH HUMANITY WE ARE ALL VICTIMS OF VICTIMS, WE ARE ALL LIVING OUR EXPERIENCES TO EVOLVE AND MANIFEST LOVE.
Remember that when we celebrate ourselves as and who we are, we help others do the same.
Rosa Puerto